TimAndRomaBlog: Judge a Porn by its Cover 2: THE DON'TS!


Welcome to the Tim and Roma! Show Blog! The Tim & Roma Show is the ultimate inside look into the world of adult entertainment. It’s funny and sharp, informative and erotic and has quickly become the “talk of the industry”. Hosted by NakedSword.com president, *Tim Valenti* and porn-again nun, *Sister Roma,* the half-hour bi-weekly program covering gay adult video news, spans the entire industry while showcasing a virtual who’s who of the top names in gay adult media. Here on the blog - read all about their mishaps and misadventures....on the show or not. Get to know the cast! Hear about the most talked about events and shows from around the country! Gossip your favorite stars and directors! Read Roma's Advice! Welcome to the zany world of the Tim & Roma! Show! Disclaimer Please read our disclaimer and terms & conditions.	« PARTY WITH NAKEDSWORD at Lube Job! \| Main \| All Worlds' Wild Castle » August 24, 2007 Judge a Porn by its Cover 2: THE DON'TS! Remember when I sifted through the pornos on NakedSword and pulled out the covers that I thought were the best? Well, I had to overlook a lot of hideous, disturbing, FUCKED UP covers then, and going back to find some to showcase together for the DONT's now proved to be one of the most excruciating experiences I've had since I've worked here. It made for a great appetite suppressant though: OMG NEW DIET CRAZE????????? After the jump, take a look at some box covers that make me wanna die. Remember, click the cover to see the back of it! Cracka Cum Bucket by Black Sugar I don't know about you, but everytime I get called a "cracka cum bucket" during sex I lose my hard-on a little. It's just me! I don't know, I stop being horny and start to feel a little bit disrespected. I don't know. And why does the "cracka cum bucket" in question have to be a middle-aged sketchy dude with bad sunglasses and a side ponytail? He looks like he might be an actual retard. Calling retards "cracka cum buckets" is even more fucked up than calling me one. I mean, at least I can psychologically recuperate myself after a gangbang by huge racist black men. Oh, and also, the tagline "This cracka gets covered in more jizz than yo big fat momma!" kind of just goes --- WHOOSH! -- right over my head. Verdict: disturbing imagery rife throughout. DOUG by Husky Hunk Try Doug on for size! PUN INTENDED! When a gentleman develops "moobs" that sizable, and they're swinging like udders, slapping the back of your neck when he's cramming his chode into that space between your balls and your ass, does that mean you're kind of bisexual? Because, I'm a fag and tits just don't interest me (no matter how hairy). Besides, if I wanted to see what Bruce Vilanch looked like naked, I'd call Danny Roddick and Alex Chandler and just ask! OH YES I JUST DID. My Bid Dick Gets Me Into Trouble 2 by Scandalistic Pictures Too many accessories can ruin an outfit. It's Tim Gunn 101! Not only does he have the protective goggles, sweat bandana, earring and helmet, but his schlong is pierced AND he needs to wear cockring, which I guess makes sense since he's going home with a lesbian. Why does she look so happy to have him anyway? I thought all lesbians do is watch Tank Girl on basic cable and take baths with other lesbians! Verdict: -10 points for the styling, but + 2 points for the psychedelic hive/snowglobe backdrop. 23 CM by Calientissimo The metric system always makes everything sound so much smaller and gayer. I mean gayer as in "LAMER" or "WORSE", not gay like "cocksucking fairy" gay. DaVinci Load 2: Electric Twinkaloo by PZP Productions Oh great, now that lesbian is pissed about the remark I made above and she's back with a MOTHERFUCKING GUN! Wow, she's more hardcore than I thought! You can tell such by the title of the film: "Electric Twinkaloo". That's as STREET as it gets, isn't it? But I guess it must be from the 90s since Isaac Hanson is making an appearance to the right of that subtly placed "666" graphic. That was an "Electric Twinkaloo" decade if I've ever known one. Verdict: PZP needs to get off the PCP or quit making ugly DVDs. LOL. Waikiki Twinks by Tiki Boiz What a great idea: "all of glamour of Waikiki, with the budget of shooting in my sister Rita's poorly lit track home in San Leandro when I'm feeding her cats and she's on vacation! We'll just stick the photos on top of each other and it will seem like the models are really in Hawaii!" That might sound stupid in theory, but in practice it's even dumber when you look at it and it's a complete piece of fucking garbage. GOT MILK! by Island Caprice Studios There's something a bit unnerving about guys who grin from ear to ear like they're Ryan Seacrest or that Mary Hart woman on Entertainment Tonight while their dick is in you, and when you suddenly find yourself in a backwards grammar-botched Got Milk? advertisement things get even eerier. Or, maybe they're all just laughing at you. Because you're FAT. We all know milk goes with cookies. I don't trust this. Posted by thesword at August 24, 2007 2:50 PM Comments Alex, Danny, and Bruce. WTF? Posted by: Flea at August 25, 2007 9:36 AM The Waikiki boys set off a light in my head so here's what i did - yes - i cut out an image of myself and stuck it in the middle of a Bel-Ami gangbang. Now i don't have to get off watching the stuff - i'm there already!!!!!!! Thanx guys. N O T. Posted by: Lonestumbler at August 29, 2007 10:06 AM The Waikiki boys set off a light in my head so here's what i did - yes - i cut out an image of myself and stuck it in the middle of a Bel-Ami gangbang. Now i don't have to get off watching the stuff - i'm there already!!!!!!! Thanx guys. N O T. Posted by: Lonestumbler at August 29, 2007 10:07 AM Hahahaha. Great Post! Electric twinkaloo. Oh boy, that's rich. Started dry heaving. All of these covers, what were the production companies thinking??? Only the best for their viewers! QUALITY erotica! Whahahaha. Looking forward to the next worst cover list! Awsome job! 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