All Worlds' Wild Castle

All Worlds Video has long been one of the more impressive production houses, rising to the top of the heap particularly in the early to mid-90s with its extensive catalogue of bread-and-butter type hunks. After Channel 1 Releasing announced earlier this summer their acquisition of the All Worlds brand, we got a bit nostalgic for all of those Best Of... videos, 80's classics, Dirk Yates military jaunts, campy send-ups (Dawson's Crack, anyone?) and occasional exotica.

This month on NakedSword, one of the studio's most recent features, Wild Castle is on display. Starring a mostly unknown cast of enticingly hung young gentleman, this flick is perfect for a foray into the preppy world of white-bred society youth. Complete with mansion sets and the sparring imagery of fencing, this will excite anyone who can't wait for the new teen soap Gossip Girl, a Cruel Intentions-esque send up of Upper East Side horny teenage schoolkids set to debut on the CW this fall.

Who says porn has always got to be dirty? Clean up your act with this All Worlds title, now on NakedSword 4.0!

Judge a Porn by its Cover 2: THE DON'TS!

Remember when I sifted through the pornos on NakedSword and pulled out the covers that I thought were the best? Well, I had to overlook a lot of hideous, disturbing, FUCKED UP covers then, and going back to find some to showcase together for the DONT's now proved to be one of the most excruciating experiences I've had since I've worked here. It made for a great appetite suppressant though: OMG NEW DIET CRAZE?????????

After the jump, take a look at some box covers that make me wanna die.

Remember, click the cover to see the back of it!

Cracka Cum Bucket by Black Sugar

I don't know about you, but everytime I get called a "cracka cum bucket" during sex I lose my hard-on a little. It's just me! I don't know, I stop being horny and start to feel a little bit disrespected. I don't know. And why does the "cracka cum bucket" in question have to be a middle-aged sketchy dude with bad sunglasses and a side ponytail? He looks like he might be an actual retard. Calling retards "cracka cum buckets" is even more fucked up than calling me one. I mean, at least I can psychologically recuperate myself after a gangbang by huge racist black men. Oh, and also, the tagline "This cracka gets covered in more jizz than yo big fat momma!" kind of just goes --- WHOOSH! -- right over my head. Verdict: disturbing imagery rife throughout.

DOUG by Husky Hunk

Try Doug on for size! PUN INTENDED! When a gentleman develops "moobs" that sizable, and they're swinging like udders, slapping the back of your neck when he's cramming his chode into that space between your balls and your ass, does that mean you're kind of bisexual? Because, I'm a fag and tits just don't interest me (no matter how hairy). Besides, if I wanted to see what Bruce Vilanch looked like naked, I'd call Danny Roddick and Alex Chandler and just ask! OH YES I JUST DID.

My Bid Dick Gets Me Into Trouble 2 by Scandalistic Pictures

Too many accessories can ruin an outfit. It's Tim Gunn 101! Not only does he have the protective goggles, sweat bandana, earring and helmet, but his schlong is pierced AND he needs to wear cockring, which I guess makes sense since he's going home with a lesbian. Why does she look so happy to have him anyway? I thought all lesbians do is watch Tank Girl on basic cable and take baths with other lesbians! Verdict: -10 points for the styling, but + 2 points for the psychedelic hive/snowglobe backdrop.

23 CM by Calientissimo

The metric system always makes everything sound so much smaller and gayer. I mean gayer as in "LAMER" or "WORSE", not gay like "cocksucking fairy" gay.

DaVinci Load 2: Electric Twinkaloo by PZP Productions

Oh great, now that lesbian is pissed about the remark I made above and she's back with a MOTHERFUCKING GUN! Wow, she's more hardcore than I thought! You can tell such by the title of the film: "Electric Twinkaloo". That's as STREET as it gets, isn't it? But I guess it must be from the 90s since Isaac Hanson is making an appearance to the right of that subtly placed "666" graphic. That was an "Electric Twinkaloo" decade if I've ever known one. Verdict: PZP needs to get off the PCP or quit making ugly DVDs. LOL.

Waikiki Twinks by Tiki Boiz

What a great idea: "all of glamour of Waikiki, with the budget of shooting in my sister Rita's poorly lit track home in San Leandro when I'm feeding her cats and she's on vacation! We'll just stick the photos on top of each other and it will seem like the models are really in Hawaii!" That might sound stupid in theory, but in practice it's even dumber when you look at it and it's a complete piece of fucking garbage.

GOT MILK! by Island Caprice Studios

There's something a bit unnerving about guys who grin from ear to ear like they're Ryan Seacrest or that Mary Hart woman on Entertainment Tonight while their dick is in you, and when you suddenly find yourself in a backwards grammar-botched Got Milk? advertisement things get even eerier. Or, maybe they're all just laughing at you. Because you're FAT. We all know milk goes with cookies. I don't trust this.

PARTY WITH NAKEDSWORD at Lube Job!

After the success of our last LUBE JOB party, we figured we'd set you up to slip n' slide again! Don't worry about getting your hands dirty, just get as drunk as possible and it will all turn into a big blackout. With some of your favorite porn stars in attendance, you might even get to live out a fantasy you've only imagined with your streaming VOD!

See you there!

FEAR and loathing with Titan Media.

After Roma visits Vacation Bible School unsolicited (and gets abruptly thrown out into the cold) she's forced to face the thing that she loathes most: THE GREAT OUTDOORS. In the new episode of The Tim and Roma Show, our hosts trek out to the great Titan compound in Nowhere, CA to get a sneak peek at their new flick, FEAR. Doesn't this blog post title make sense now? It's all coming together!

--And so are these Titan men. Diesel Washington, François Sagat, and new blood Tony Buff and Derek DaSilva throw down the crotch-punches, tie Tim hostage, and slip'n'slide on the regional banana slugs! Go check out the brand new episode, before I give it all away.

"Chad Douglas was my babysitter"

Not only have I fantasized about having a hot, gay man with a mustache babysit me in a retrogressive dream sequence but I've also spent considerable time fantasizing about gay porn legend Chad Douglas. It came as a surprise, therefore, when VICE Magazine scribe Gabi Sifer published an article about her very real experience with "Uncle Chad" growing up and threw my fantasy into a perverted and disturbingly real context.

Printed under the shorthand "UNCLE BUTTFUCKER", Gabi draws hilarious contrast describing Chad's onscreen antics as opposed to his actions in real life. "This was shot in 1988," Sifer says of Falcon's Spring Break, "so around the time that Uncle Chad was my cool babysitter who gave me rad colored tights, he was also shooting the scene in which he cums inside his nephew, then inserts a buttplug so the cum won't dribble out."

Leave it to VICE to equate gay sex with grotesque child molestation, or is that our industry's doing?

Click here to watch Chad Douglas in action on NakedSword.
Click here for the full article, including reviews of Spring Break and another Bijou gem, Below The Belt.

Save us from the flamers!

When it was reported last week that a couple of San Diego firemen were suing the city fire department over their involuntary participation in the San Diego PRIDE festivities, I thought that it couldn't possibly be true. After all, firemen and gay porn have such a long history together! If you're signing up to join the squad, shouldn't you be aware of the longstanding associations between the hose-groping job post and male erotica? For some, apparently not:

"During the course of the ensuing three hour long ordeal, the firefighters were subjected to vile sexual taunts from homosexuals lining the parade route," reads a press release from the Thomas More Law Center, the law firm representing the victimized flame extinguishers, 'This included the following statements: "show me your hose," "you can put out my fire," "you're making me hot," "give me mouth-to-mouth," "you look hungry, why don't you have a twinkie (from a man wearing a "Girth and Mirth" t-shirt)," and "blow my hose." These firemen are devoted husbands and fathers. When they refused to respond to the crowd, some in the crowd turned hostile and started shouting, "F--k you firemen" and others began "flipping them off."'

This comes as the second blow to the gay community from firefighters, after the New York Fire Department announced that its annual beefcake calendar will cease after the production of the 2008 edition, after the discovery that their cover model, 22 year-old Michael Biserta of a Brooklyn division, had been featured on an episode of Guys Gone Wild.

While it seems there is little any of us can do to bridge the gap between the firemen and the flamers who love them, we can always offer up one way to boost morale among the latter of those two demographics:

CHECK OUT FIREFIGHTER PORN ON NAKEDSWORD.COM!

You have to admit you saw that one coming.

(Above image courtesy of All Worlds Video, from Playing With Fire.)

O'BOY! COLLIN O'NEAL!

Longtime porn star fave, goatee landscaper, and international bad boy Collin O'Neal stopped by to pay a visit to Sister Roma and (yes, he's staging a comeback) Officer Dave! In a time travel extravaganza Collin takes us to Santo Domingo to splash around in the cool waters of Boca Chica Marina, and also sits down in San Francisco for some man-on-nun action. From Lebanon to Sao Paulo to Miami and back again, Collin knows where the most hung men in the world are, and he's got the answers for you on a new Tim and Roma Show episode now!

Head on over, and don't forget to check out Collin O'Neal's World Of Men on NakedSword, where traveling really is right at your sticky fingertips.

JD Ferguson Presents Porn Stars

Since May, PAPER photographer and blogger JD Ferguson tosses a naked gay porn stud a pair of American Apparel skivvies and snaps him up against a wall for papermag.com's "Word Up!" column. Starting with GayVN Award-winning Best Newcomer Matt Cole, JD's given us flirtacious and salacious one-on-one chats with Arpad Miklos, Damien Crosse, Erik Rhodes, and some pro-am up and comers from Randy Blue like Chris Rockway and Reese Rideout.

The latest installment highlights a chat with one of our favorite Dream Teamers (and documentary subjects) Tiger Tyson! Never one to shy away from hitting the tough questions back with real and hard answers, Tiger lit up his Q&A with one-liners perhaps only a Harlem heavyhitter could utter. Our favorite?

|| If you could have sex with any celebrity who would it be? All of them. ||

What's your answer? Check out JD FERGUSON PRESENTS: Tiger Tyson over at Papermag.com.

Also be sure to check out Tiger's latest titles on NakedSword.

Judge a Porn by its Cover!

They say that you should never judge a book by its cover. They're totally wrong.

Bad marketing is always something that should be judged, harshly in my opinion, while awesome covers deserve unmitigated praise, attention, and preference. "Why buy something that will look ugly on your bookshelf?" I always say, "I don't want to surround myself with hideous literature." The same is true in gay porn packaging. With the wealth of outstanding imagery that pornographers have to design graphics around, it's a marvel that some studios pump out nothing but ugly video boxes. Sifting through the newest additions to NakedSword 4.0, I couldn't help but be amused by some of the box covers that I came across and impressed by their sheer artistic value.

After the jump, check out some of the prettiest pornos that NS 4.0 has to offer, and stay tuned for the DON'TS coming very soon.

(Click on the box covers to see their corresponding back covers.)

Handwerker und Schwanzwerker by West Hollywood Studio.
Not only does this cover incorporate an acid-paintshop backdrop that drags me into an adolescent whirlwind of drugs and awesome times, but the title has a Scandinavian font that reminds me of Disneyland! Nothing helps you pretend to be in an eastern European country better than some cute fontplay. What does that title even mean? Who cares! It sounds so cool that I have to be involved in it. Check out that guy's outfit, with the overalls! Do I know him? It looks like he dug through my closet and pulled out my favorite ensemble that I haven't even bought yet. If you look at the back cover, he's using that same overall strap to STRANGLE somebody. I think I found a new favorite studio (and a new boyfriend).

What Men Want by Hollywood Sales.
I love whispering secrets to people in their ears. Not only is it a way to make people really angry at parties (which is always funny), but it's also a fantastic way to flirt with someone! Here, someone with an enormous head is telling a secret to a crouching, naked guy that looks kind of like Ben Stiller. I think it has something to do with SEX for some reason. WHY MIGHT THAT BE? It all feels so subliminal!

TRADE OFF by All Worlds Video.
Blinds were really big in the 80s, but if you look around you'll realize that they really haven't gone anywhere. You might call this cover kitschy, but I prefer to think of it as REALISTIC. Look at Ryan Idol! Isn't he provocative? That's because with open blinds, you can see something exactly as if they weren't there except the blinds are in the way. You get the style of blinds and the exposure of no-blinds all in one brilliant cover shoot! Look at the back cover. That boy is so excited by this premise that he's just GOT to record it on his camcorder. Smart thinking.

European Holiday by Falcon International.
Okay, we get it. You have the BEST LIFE EVER. You're giving us thumbs up, GETTING A BLOWJOB, and wearing a shirt above your tan six-pack that says "I'D DO ME". You're probably really good at surfing and going to an awesome party later in gorgeous summer weather where everything is paid for and you have a huge dick that always stays hard. Okay? WE GET IT. If this guy could high-five you through the box cover I'd bet you he'd totally totally do it.

Kinky Stuff by Al Parker Productions.
Al Parker fucking rules.

COME CRAZY by Kosmos Production.
This naked guy with his white towel does no justice to some of the amazing outfits put together for the back cover. Sex sells, though, however cool a crop top and acid wash jeans might be. I can tell from the swirly symbols that I'm in for something WILD 'N' CRAZY with this movie, and all the blue and yellow puts me into a really sporty mood! See, it isn't that difficult! I bet this cover took the graphic designers 10 minutes and they spent the rest of the afternoon smoking pot, listening to Guided By Voices, and talking about how awesome their job is.

S.F. Packing Co. by Le Salon.
This photo looks like James Bidgood bent over to pull up his tights during a costume switch and Andy Warhol snapped a photo when he wasn't looking. Signed, sealed, ready, PRINT! Oh, and the audio is in [[[[SEXSURROUND]]]] so it's technologically up to date as well.

HARD HAT by Le Salon.
Take a break from that construction job, Tyrone! Make some real use of that hammer by pulling down your jock strap with it. If you check out the back cover (click it) then you'll get a really cool day-glo version of the simple, understated, and flawless jacket design. The warning at the bottom about prohibiting sale to minors really makes it seem dangerous and exclusive. I wish I could be 12 again and smuggle this out of a dirty bodega with a pack of cigarettes and impress all my friends after little league practice. Except if that happened they'd probably ask why it's GAY porn, and then they'd beat me up.